POP goes Sungai Petani

The Power of Play Goes Sungai Petani was a big challenge. The audience was different. Their main objective was different. Day 1 was a frustration but as a Trainer, that was the challenge. I have to keep my mind positive. I can see Angah a little bit 'terkedu'. Lie was everywhere but nowhere. Day 2, Bakar saved the day with his excellent performance. I was down with stomach ache. I can hardly stand. A few participant still resist to open up. When religion issue was played, we gagged. Luckily, Wan was there with his powerful debriefing. I salute this old friend. He knows how to control the crowd. I called for 2 separate briefing. 1 for the front liners and a separate session for the back office. I cannot sleep that night. I know I have to really perform for my closing session. Many ideas gushing in my mind, mixed with 'geram' feeling and 'professional' feeling. To retaliate? To shoot? But I decided to keep my head cool and do the usual Power of Play closing. Come Day 3. I was nervous, don't know what to expect. My closing approach will depends alot on the audience that day. However, Day 3 was a total change. Again, Bakar did his magic. Everybody was charged up. The theme song was sang full heartedly. We dance and we play, the way the Power of Play should be. I deliver my closing, kicking the bucket along the way, spilling on someone and cooling on someone else at the same time. Gosh! What an ending. I learn more today.

Perfect Ending!

The Power of Play goes Cherating ended yesterday. As I posted earlier, it was an awesome experience. We play and we absorbed. Many thanks to the Power of Play crew - our front liner Khairul, Mat Tarzan and Azmeer, our back office crew Sarimah, Ishwary, Farah and Hasni, our sidekick Lie and Angah. You guys rock! And to BTV Kementerian Pendidikan, play and you will feel good!

The Power of Play!

It's awesome! I felt fascinated. Our first show on the concept and brand went through very well. The thought of establishing the FIRST in Malaysia and the FIRST in the world resulting in me having a few weeks of sleepless nights. But it's worth! I am so excited! Tonight is the last night. The last 2 days went on very successfully. The concept was accepted very well and the reception was overwhelming! It was like my dream coming through. My co-founder of the concept, Bakar, was equally excited. Below is one of the Management Games that we created. We called it Mission Possible: The Stargate. The objective is to reflect various leadership style, effective communication skill, understand leadership from both end, focus on mission, building trust, absorbing positive vibration and dispersing the same, followership and comradeship. When we drew up the game plan, I did not realised it will turn out to be such da bomb!

President Bush close encounter with the size of 10.

I heard about the incident when I arrived in Alor Star airport on 16th morning. I have been crazily busy the day before that I don't have time even to eat, what more to watch TV. My friend, Rizal (MD, Prisma Holidays), who picked me up broke the news to me on our way to Kangar. At first I thought it was a minor thing. After completing our purpose, we went to see Wan Kharizal (Group GM, Kedah Agro Holdings). I saw the news in the news paper. Holy crap! The President of the United States? Being attacked? With shoes? An Iraqi's shoes? On television? And oh... not a shoe... but both left and right? (or...whatever the sequence it was...) I laughed at first, who wouldn't? That would be the biggest bloopers of American Funniest Home Video for centuries to come. But seconds after that, I realized, the act was a total insult, not only to President Bush, but also to the Americans as a whole. What an insult! It shouldn't happened. No one should be laughing about it. It was an act of an idiot. Fine, Bush deserves more than a pair of shoe, maybe a rusty colored slimy sputum of mucus from an acute tuberculosis sufferer, spat onto his face. In fact, Bush, being responsible for so many thousands of deaths and torture, should be hanged publicly. But would that solve our problem? The world will not be a safe place to stay if the people are full with hatred and violence. We don't need another Bush in this world, and we also don't need another Muntazer al Zaidi.



By the way, I am sure al Zaidi will go to prison and possibly worse, for throwing two non-lethal shoes, and missing. But Bush, responsible for so many thousands of deaths, will probably never serve a day in prison. I still am naive enough to hope, however, that he is charged, tried, and convicted of treason and war crimes. And if that happen, I promise, I won't celebrate, eventhough I won't be crying either.

Remembering Apak

I am so ashamed of myself. How could I forget today is my late father's birthday? When an sms came from Ateh this morning, I sat quietly on my bed, holding on to my knee. I suddenly feel very 'rindu' - no English word can describe the feeling of 'rindu'. It is more than the feeling of missing someone you love dearly. It is more than feeling very sad knowing that someone you love so much is no more with you. It is above the feeling of longing for someone you always wanted to be with. It is simply 'rindu'. 'Rindu' is the ultimate feeling after you feel 'longing for someone' and followed by the feeling of 'sad knowing that someone is no more with you', and end up with 'feel deeply depressed without that someone with you'. I feel so 'rindu' to Apak.

However, I don't want to be carried away with the sadness and the deep depression. I know Apak wouldn't want me so. He was a very strong man, commanding and managing our big family, the pillar of our strength and the centre to which we refer to almost anything - life, love, sad, fruits, trees, river, fish, children upbringing, politic, economy, business, religion and you just name it, he was always there to give his wise thought.

I remember when I attended a Mind Science course in Penang in 1995, one of the module (to seek advise from the other side) is to choose who is our ultimate mentor that we can rely on, to answer to EVERY doubt we have. The trainer gave examples like Einstein, Ust Harun Din, Dr. Mahathir, and many other big names. I know, without any single doubt, my best 'other side' to whom I can consult anytime and any topic with, is Apak. Until today, Apak is still in that 'faculty' where I seek advise from.

I know Apak loves me very much. Sometimes I feel, he loves me more than my other siblings. I know it is not true but that is how he makes you feel, being loved and care more than anyone else. I remember that day, the opening of Ateh's first office in Taman Tun. Ateh secretly arranged for my trip back to KL. Nobody knows about that arrangement. It was supposed to be a surprise and a big surprised it was. I still can graphically see in my eyes Apak's reaction when he saw me entering the room. I can still remember his reaction, very clearly, the moment he saw me and acclaimed "Allahu Akbar!" with his surprised tone, rushed to me and hugged me. I can feel his warm tears falling on my shoulder. Subhanallah, I cannot hold to my tears anymore now!

The day of his demise, I cannot accept that he's no more with us because the life support machine connected to him was still beeping. Deep in my heart, I was hoping for miracles. I have seen in movies that people are back to alive eventhough that machine show a straight line with a long beeeep kind of sound. His is still beeping. I was hoping it was a mistake on the doctor's side. I remember Ngah consoling me, telling me to let him go. I keep on whispering "Allahu" by his ears. Mak was by my side trying to calm me down. I hold Apak's hand and keep on hoping that I was dreaming. But Allah loves him more than I do, more than love that we, the children, can confer him. He wanted Apak to be with Him, to shower him with loves he was promised with. May his soul be bestowed with His Graciousness and His Mercifulness, together with those on whom He bestowed with His Grace. If Apak is still alive, he is 80 today. Al Fatehah to Apak.

Remembering Apak, reminds me to submit my unconditional love to Mak.

(I did post something about my feeling to Apak here)
(My sister's posting on Apak here)
(Nini's tribute here)

Entrepreneurial terror

I first heard of this terminology when I read a book by Wilson Harrel 'For Entrepreneurs Only'.(a nice write up about him here) I instantly remembered about him when I had an argument with a friend yesterday. A mild argument actually but I think I made my point clear. What was argued is not important, but the concept behind the subject matter is. The concept is about the fear being in business. Through my experience, I have two words to describe how I feel being self employed. Loneliness and Fearful. I talk about loneliness later. For now, I talk about Fearful. For those, young and not so young, who are starting your first company, by that act, you have joined a very special organisation. Admission is automatic; permission is neither needed nor sought; tenure is indefinite. Wilson Harrel welcomes you to the Club of Terror.

I can assure you, the fear is unlike anything you have ever experienced. It is not just fear, it is terror. Let me make myself clear that by terror I do not mean simply an intense kind of fear. The two are quiet different. Fear is a sudden rush of adrenaline let loose when you are caught with a lipstick stain on your collar, or when you almost get hit by a drunk driver. It is usually accidental and unexpected. Entrepreneur terror, on the other hand is self-inflicted. It occurs when you, an otherwise a normal person, make a conscious decision that carries you over the threshold of fear into a private world filled with monsters sucking at every morsel of your being. There can be no sleep in this world - just wide-awake nightmares. It will scares the hell out of every one of you.

So, I told my buddy, taking up responsibility, committed with what we do, perseverance in our undertaking, frustrations over failures are just some minor gentle things that are the least of what we expect or experience in entrepreneurship. You can put them away as a child puts away toys. And my fellow friend, you can stop breathing if you want, but this Entrepreneur Terror will remain with you as long as you remain as an entrepreneur. Be brave! Period.

About dream

I have blogged before about my big book of dream - the Money Maker. One of my dream is to hit my first million when I am 40. I am now 44. Do I achieved my dream? I don't want to answer that. Million can come in many ways - cash and property, and even many a times, million is just a figure. Those intangible, like happiness, good feeling and blessed life is invaluable. The figure could be infinity (or infinity + 1, hehe) But one thing I discover is that how I morph from a nerd looking 'baloq liat' guy (the term my college mate, Pak Ya described me) who combed his hair parting on the left side, to a self proclaim hard working critical minded guy who speaks his mind out and walking his talk kind of adult. I am still a silly bad boy who provokes others intelligence but at the same time develop a clumsy playful clown outlook who wore his real face unmasked. I am satisfied with what I am having now, not at a complacent level, but enough to make people listen to what I say. Who says money is not everything? It may not be everything but it is THE thing. I am still hungry for more and I know it is coming from many sources.

I would be blushing when friends refer me as a successful person. Most of the time, I take it as a compliment and with prayer. Because I know I am not. (yet!) I am still at the starting line, a long way to go.

Million can come and go. Today I might have my million but nobody knows what is going to happen to me tomorrow. Most importantly, I left my footprint in the sand of life, knowing that I have tried my level best to be what I wanted to be.

p/s I wish I have that million!

Recession they say.

Some times ago, I was having dinner with a group of entrepreneurs. We talked a lot about the possible recession we will be facing in the next few months. With (at that moment) a hike in fuel price, global political uncertainty, big institution financial crash, huge bail out by governments across the world, we thought recessions is inevitable.

Just now, while sitting quietly at a corner of my office, I was thinking, isn't this is the best opportunity to expand my business? It all make sense. Think about it for a moment. What do big companies do in recession? They retrench, cut back on advertising and on services, fire people, close divisions, withdraw product and so on. What does all that add up to? They abandon niches. These niches, I think, is a seedbeds for my growth. What I should do maybe is to listen to their mournful and sad stories. Maybe I should shed a tears or two for them. Then get up and go clobber them. I believe, right now is the best time since 1997 to grow my business. As a matter of fact, I started my business in 1998 when many big corporations cry fault. There might be more opportunities out there than we gonna find in the next 5 or 10 years. I will get moving, so I will come out of this mess larger than when I went in, insyaallah.

Fly Firefly

Remember I told you that I am scared of flying? Few days ago I am again forced to fly to Kota Bharu due to the urgency of the work. If not, I would prefer to drive. I have heard of Firefly (tagline: your community carrier). It is a budget airline, similar to Air Asia. I have traveled on Air Asia before and the agony was unbearable. The way the pilot land the plane was moments I wished I never have to experience. The squeaking sound on board is terrifying. The arrogance of the steward and stewardess make you feel you are really a budget traveler, who can't afford Malaysia Airlines and the way they look at you with the look which says you-should-be-thankful-to-Air Asia-who-provide-you-with-affordable-plane-ticket, you know what I mean? The embarrassment of lining up like a juvenile and tolerating the rushing and uncivilised passenger to the plane, erghh... I can't take it.


But few days ago, I have another alternative - Firefly! A lot lot better alternative. They fly on their new fleet of European-made ATR-500s, flies at average 20,000 feet high and at the speed of 500km/hour. It was monsoon season with monstrous cumulonimbus clouds rolls along the journey but I can hardly feel any strong vibration and the journey was amazingly quiet.




It is only a 72 seater carrier which means you’ll receive more attention from their friendly crew. Yes, they are very friendly indeed. The staffs treat you like they need you more than you need them. No 'jeling-jeling taik kucing' kind of gestures, like the one you might experience with Air Asia. No mumbling at your back. You can see and feel the sincerity.

Maybe due to my young-at-heart personality, I feel so energetic and vibrant traveling on Firefly. The pipe in music plays 'So What - Pink' and 'When I Grow Up - Pussy Cat Dolls' kind of music, which suits me well. The cabin is cozy yet so spacious (nice normal Asian size - I said normal Asian size!) furbished with elegant leather seating, and oh... did I tell you that you will have an assigned seating upon check in so that you won't looked like a row of delinquent, waiting for punishment?


They serve you with juice and muffin - small matter but doesn't small matter counts most especially when comparisons are made? And the best part is, they fly from Subang, only 25 minutes drive from my house. Firefly is surely my favourite carrier after this.

Scared, I am!

Flying is definitely not in my list of 'things I like to do'. Fine, Travel Agency is one of my business but do I need to like flying to operate a Travel Agency? My answer is definitely a big no-no. However, sometimes, I am forced to take flight whenever I have to travel. Internationally, I have no choice (that is why I try to avoid traveling overseas as much as I can) but domestically, I will drive if I have the choice. I think, my problem is the fear of leaving my life on others hand. When I fly, like it or not, the pilot is in-charge. Not a single bit of my life is within my control. All depends on him/her. A simple silly small mistake, the stake is my life. I am not scared of death, but I pray to Allah that my moment of truth is after my children are all grown up (my son always tell me that the probability of a plane crash is like being strike by lightning twice at the same spot) But again, it is not an issue of death. It is more of a phobia. I am scared if someone drive me in a car. I am afraid of taking Express Coach to travel long journey. I am scared taking a cable car. I remember shaking in the gondola while taking a ride on Eye Of Malaysia. Because of this phobia, now I understand, why people say I am workaholic, perfectionist and other name with similar meaning. This is because I am scared leaving my business on other people's hand because my business is my life. I cannot allow people to maneuver my 'life' and I cannot have control or have less control of. Well, I know I am a complicated lot, but I guess, that is how I reach where I am now.

A day with Michael Losier

The date: 29 November 2008
The day: Saturday
The place: Renaissance Hotel, Kuala Lumpur

It was a very special day. I am meeting Michael Losier in person. I woke up early that day, despite staying up late the night before. I am full of excitement to listen to ML, to meet him in person, to touch him, to feel him and to be coached by him. Ok, maybe I am a bit too overboard about what I feel but the excitement is not describable by words. Man, it is Michael Losier!

So, that morning, I am all geared up with my 'nice, casual' outfit, my LOA book that I bought few weeks ago and my SONY T5. On arrival, there are about 200 people already there. I quickly get myself registered, received my seminar material and pin up my name tag. I went around the busy concourse and grab some snacks for my breakfast. I can already feel the mood at that moment. Everybody was so zest up and emitting positive vibrations, match with my already eager brain frequency that vibrate at 10hz per second, resulting a smell of positive ion all around.

I try to get the front seat but all were reserved for the sponsors. I manage to get a seat on the 7th row. Not bad. At 9.00 am sharp, the program starts. And for the next 8 hours, it was a real thrill! As an NLP and Mind Science follower, LOA add more elements into my faculty. It re-emphasize the importance of positive thinking. The principle of LOA is that YOU ARE WHAT YOU WANTED TO BE. It is all in our mind. It stresses on the importance of KEEPING OUR FEELING IN A POSITIVE VIBRATION. If we want to change a result, we must change our feeling to be in positive mode. To have a positive feeling (positive vibration) is to have a positive thought. And to have a positive thought is by using positive words. Summarily, it is VERY IMPORTANT to watch out with words that we use in our everyday life. It is not what happened, it is how we respond to what happened.

I am fully convinced that I am attracting to myself, my life and business, whatever I give my attention, energy and focus to, whether negative or positive. At the end of the day, I took a photo with Michael and I got my book signed by him. Wooo-hoooo!

Mumbai attack!

I know I cannot do much about this, but, hey, I have a lot of friends in Mumbai and a friend who work in Taj Hotel. I pray to God that Kyrus, Suresh, Joe, Chopra, Kareem, Kashi and Krishnan are safe. I manage to speak to Joey last night on hearing about the attack. Audibly, he sounded shaken. He work in the nearby hotel. I sms Kyrus just now, yet to get his reply. I condemn the attack! Below is my picture taken on a ferry infront of Gate of India. Taj Hotel is at the back. At time of this writing, 101 people are dead and 314 are injured. What would you feel if our friends and relatives is one of them?



And below is me infront of Victoria Terminus, the busiest train station in the world.





78 dead in Mumbai terrorist strike (from E-Travel News)

A group of terrorists using AK-47 rifles and grenades attacked Mumbai, India last night with 78 people confirmed dead, at least 900 injured and 100 taken hostage. Terrorists, in what seemed to be an organised attack, targeted the five-star Oberoi hotel and Taj Mahal hotel, Victoria Terminus railway station, tourist landmark Leopold’s cafe and the Cama Hospital at around 2300 hours local time. Explosions were heard in both hotels and The Times of India reported that the top floor of the Oberoi hotel was on fire whilst the Taj hotel was still burning this morning.
A man who had barricaded himself and 30 others inside a restaurant in the Taj hotel told Sky News that? a gunman had entered the lobby of the hotel and “just stood there spraying bullets around, right next to me”.
"We are now in the dark in this room and we've barricaded all the doors. It's really bad...all the lights are out, there's about 100 of us here." There has been a consistent gun battle between the terrorists and Mumbai police overnight, with several high-profile police gunned down. According to reports, the Mumbai police called in the military and Indian troops raided the Oberoi and Taj hotels this morning, despite the 100 people held hostage, 40 of which are British. The terrorists are suspected to be targeting British and American tourists as an escapee from the Oberoi hotel told BBC reporters that around 15 gunmen had demanded for British and American nationals to hand over their passports. There is still no confirmation of who the terrorist are and whether they are part of a terrorist network.

My D90!

My first Digital Camera was a Ricoh (can't remember the model) way back in 2002. A DC was a random luxury hi-tech gadget someone can own during that time. I bought it at around RM1,600, with a VERY good 1 megapixel. My second was a SONY (can't remember the model, too - the one with a swivel lense). I was upgrading myself to a DC with 3 megapixel sensor. He he. But that SONY was a very reliable one, and very user friendly. The swivel lense is very handy when come to taking your own picture. That was my first SONY DC and then I have another 3 SONYs. Currently I am using SONY Cybershot T5. The main different SONY from the other is the color rendition. The SONY's colors are less intense and most probably most accurate. (I am a color blind, but I know how to differentiate good colors and bad colors!) Ok... the purpose of blogging on this topic is that I AM SAVING FOR A NIKON D90! Wooo hooo! It is the first digital SLR to incorporate a movie mode. When I passed through my favourite gadget shop the other day, I was salivating to my toe! He he. What a gizmo! It comes with a 12.3MP 23.6 x 15.8mm sensor with SLR focal length at 1.5x. The 3" 9200,000 dot LCD is amaaaazing! And as from the earlier NIKON D60, this model also come with a 'self-cleaning' sensor unit which should keep me less worry about dust, or at least to a minimum. The moment I saw this model, I knew it, this is it. Not a tiny little doubt about it. Not so techies for an amateur (ok...maybe not even amateur, still a novice) self proclaim photography crazy like me but I have been dreaming to upgrade to SLR the past few months. And the price tag is RM4,500 complete with kit lense. Wooohoooo! D90, here I come!

School Holiday

It has been a week since school holiday started. Last week, the children had a full week activity, visiting a Chocolate Factory, Batu Caves, visiting High Five Bread Factory, enjoying BBQ lunch at Krisaliz and emmm....playing DS! Bang Long as usual, occupied with his lappie, damaging his brain cell. Bang Ngah enjoying his upside down day-night topsie turvie, being an owl who never see daylight and grooming his acne. Ajiq is the only one who looks tension. He still has 3 more SPM papers to sit.

This morning, my other half went to the school to collect our daughters year end report card. As usual, the girls fly high with their results.

Starting from next week, the PMR (Ngah) and SPM (Long) candidates will start their 'holiday camp' preppies. Have fun, boys!

A typical weekend in my office.

A typical weekend in my office. Notice how clean my table is. How I wish it can be as clean everyday.

Heaven is underneath the mother's feet

Few nights ago, I watched a movie in Astro, can't remember which channel. It is about the love of a son to the mother. The mother was convicted after unintentionally murdered the husband. She suffered a very serious depression, in Malay, we called it 'meroyan' or postpartum psychosis. I wonder how she got convicted when actually 'meroyan' is categorized as mental illness. That is different story (anyway, it is just a movie). What touched me is the unconditional love the son poured to the mother. After the passing of his father, the son continue with the farming the father had started earlier. The other siblings (he got another elder brother and a younger sister) went their own way, disown the mother, accusing her of being a murderer. The good son went on with the farming succesfully. He won awards after awards for being successful farmer. During imprisonment of the mother, the good son visits her regularly despite being called names by the 'meroyan' mother, seeking her blessing for his business plans and strategies. Until few years, the mother recovered from the disorder. She was later released. The good son accepted her happily, bring her back home while the other two siblings react otherwise. (normal lah... nama pun cerita. Baru ada drama!) To surprise everybody, the good son declared that during the mother imprisonment, he had setup a foundation where he channeled all the profit of his farming business. Knowing that (the accumulated fund was RM2.5m), the not so good children wanted their share, claiming that the farm the good son operating belongs to the late father, and they have their share. Being good (in the drama.... hehe) the good son agreed to name the two siblings on board, and the mother as the Chairman. Of course, the two not so good children hesitated but finally accepted. During all 'non-technical' meeting, the good son always seek the mother's opinion, accept the opinion as the final decision and that make the other two angry, arguing that their opinion is better than the 'meroyan' mother. (Note: the elder brother was a second-hand car dealer while the sister was involved in direct selling. I didn't say the two professions are for the brainless people, but the producer of that movie implied it that way. Luckily I don't involve in that trade. :-) ) Finally, after much disagreement, the two decides to sell their share back to the good son, wanting to do their own business. And of course, being a hero, the good son agrees. Sembilan bulan kemudian...(nine months later) the two siblings get into trouble. Their business gone burst (he he... second hand car dealer and direct selling people, don't take this too personal). To make the long story short (the wife of the elder brother caught him 'play three sticks', the elder brother involved with Ah Long, the sister's car kena tarik because of non-payment, bla...bla...bla...) the two not so good children return to the hero for help. Then... the hero (being a hero) accepted them with a condition. They must seek forgiveness from the mother. And the most touching part is when he say, whatever you do, you must seek blessing from the mother. Syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu (Heaven is underneath the mother's feet). And that they did. Finally, they live happily ever after. The end.

I don't know where my fate will be. But I know, I love my mother so much.

Nothing much.

I know from my audit trail, there are a few readers keep coming back to see my updates for the last few days. I am very sorry. Work have been keeping me very busy. I wanted to blog something - about my mother, about the children school holiday, about my recent trip, about life, etc. I have time, but the time I have I couldn't spare for blogging. I wrote a few draft but all end up being deleted. I will blog again soon. Oh...and tonight, I am going for that goooood massage that is looooong overdue!

We are one, big, happy family!

Having a big family is a big business. Not only that you need to be financially secured, but most importantly, emotionally strong. I have a big family. I am the fifth in eight siblings. On my own, I have six children. This is by choice, not ‘by accident’ or ‘ooops I did it again’ kind of thing! My youngest was born when I was 38, and she is now 6. This morning, we registered her for Primary School, after 2 years in kindergarten. Next year, the mama will be alone most of the time at home. I hope, she can reschedule her life, recollect what was missing for the last many years. We have gone through tests after tests throughout our process building this family. There are times when we don’t talk for few days just because the quarrel we had over the children. In fact, all the sour faces are due to our differences in managing our house and children. I wanted my children to be raised on a certain standard. Being a trained and professional Accountant, my methodology is being seen as rigid and procedural. The problem is that my other half remains as what she was 17 years ago. I know, I marry her 17 years ago as what she was 17 years ago. But I expect we can ‘grow’ together. Now with all the children will be in school most of the day starting from next year, I hope she can speedily grow up. And my responsibility, in keeping my big family well, will be bigger.


Consider this. I am the sole breadwinner for the family of 8 (with 6 children). My effort must be equivalent to the father of a sole breadwinner of 3 families with 2 children each. So, if other family can afford to go holiday once a year, we can only afford to do the same once every 3 years. If other family can be sufficient with a house with 3 rooms (average cost RM200,000), we can live equally comfortable in a 7 rooms house, with a cost of almost RM800,000. The house we are renting now is a 3 bedroom house, valued at RM650,000. Food that we eat is for 8 people daily. Electricity, water bill and other bills are for 8 people. If I put a serious thinking about it, I will never can afford our lives. Hurghhhh…. Syukur kepada Allah kerana kami masih dapat menikmati kehidupan seperti orang lain. However, what we have is not everybody is blessed with. Our house is always filled with laughter. We always have each other. We tolerate in sharing what we have. We do things together. And we face our sorrows together. Next year, Anek will be in Primary 1, DeDe in Primary 3, Kakak in Primary 5, Bang Teh will be in Secondary 1, Bang Ngah in Secondary 3 and Bang Long in Secondary 5. I am so blessed with 6 lovely children, each of them with their own character and personality. All in all, we are a big happy family!

A Day of Miseries

The day started off gloomy. My brother, Chu, called from Seremban, saying Mak demam. He fetched Mak from kampong early morning and now Mak is in his house in Seremban. Mak has not been well lately. She is already 75. Most women her age has long been sick but she was strong until lately. I am afraid of losing her. I know nothing is permanent, but please, not yet.

UPSR results keluar hari ni. Bang Teh dalam keadaan tidak tenteram. Last night, I told my other children, whatever the results would be, do not make fun of it. I told them, I know the capabilities each and every one of them. I would be more than happy if Teh would get 2As (English and Science) and he will surprised me if he can get a C for his Maths and Bahasa Malaysia. Bila tengok result, he got 1A (English) 3Bs (Maths, Science, BM Penulisan) and 1C (BM Pemahaman). He cried. When I saw him at school, both of us strangle in a hug. I was not frustrated at all. As I said, I knew his capabilities. In fact, I am very proud when he got B for his Maths and Bahasa Malaysia Penulisan. If any of you my 2 readers listen to him talking, you would think that you are listening to a radio version of Spongebob Squarepants! Sooo cartoon and sooo American. And you would be wondering what is so difficult in answering 7 x 8 = 56 when earlier on he can tell you that 8 x 7 = 56. He cried in my arm. He said he might have gotten 4As if he had study much harder. I just kept quiet. My tears was dripping. I am not going to scold him for the results he got. I know, he is good in other area. He is very special to me. And I know he knew.

Back in the office, I am supposed to complete a ‘happy’ proposal. I couldn’t do it. It just doesn’t jive with my feeling. How could I write a happy proposal when I am in the opposite state of mind? My mother is sick. My son is sad. How on earth I can be happy? I surrendered. The day passes by with zero productivity. No mind control thingy can help me today.

Mind Control

Ok...ok... I admit, I cannot tahan to blog on this matter. It was an amaaaazing experience I had last night. It was about NLP / Mind Science / LOA (again... :-)) I came to know about Silva Mind Control Method (you know... controlling own's mind, beliefs, dreams and desires kind of stuff) somewhere in 1987. I read few of Jose de Silva books on Silva Mind Control Method series. Ok..ok.. straight to the point.. I had wanted to meet this friend of mine, WAN KHARIZAL and been looking for him for a job that I am having for his assistance. The last time we had in contact was somewhere in 1998/99 during Reformasi time. I searched high and low for his number and got fed up with the 'conventional way' of people searching method. So, I sat down, went to my level, think, believe and desire, go deeper and deeper and do that silva method stuff. What the system did was to send my brain vibration while in alpha state of mind (while in alpha state, our brain frequency is at 8 - 13 Hz) to the environment, and the nature will take its own cause. For a more scientific explanation, I only charge a very minimum consultancy fee... :-). Then, suddenly yesterday, another old friend (i meant it, he IS old) called me saying that WAN KHARIZAL IS LOOKING FOR ME. Whalla! He gave Wan's number and everything else is, you are right, magic. But it is nothing magical to me. I always get help from the other side of me. Pray to God and He knows whats best for you!

Calling all Ex-Georgians

Wanted to blog on other things this morning but received call from Azlan Hanif, fellow ex-Georgian, informing about a friend, Zaim Shaari's (Rimau) son who is in ICU in one of the hospital in Jordan. He need to travel to AMM soonest possible. So, calling all ex-Georgian to help raise some fund to reduce his burden. I don't have much info about the son's condition but Rimau and wife need to be there very urgently. So, fellow ex-Georgians, lets give our helping hand.

Zaim Shaari
HP: 013 352 1226
Maybank account: 1625 1702 5794

Veni Vedi Veci

Law of Attraction, Obama and Hari Akhirat

Taking a few minutes break from my work, updating on my new reads. I went to One Utama yestreday, bought some books (emmm... 3 for me and my other half, 4 for kakak, 4 for DeDe, 1 for Anek, 1 for Long, 1 for Ngah and 3 for Teh). Immediately start reading LAW OF ATTRACTION (Michael J. Losier) and so engrossed that I finish reading in 4 hours. It is 140 something pages of double spacing typo, with some 'this page is intentionally left blank' pages and some full page graphic narration. All in all, I think it is only about 56 pages of reading. I am a slow reader! That is not important. The important thing is that how I realise, that 4 hours reminds me of how I have been thinking NEGATIVELY lately. Law of Attraction is all about POSITIVE THINKING, about FEELING GOOD and about dispersing POSITIVE VIBES. The other book is BARRACK OBAMA: DREAMS FROM MY FATHER, first published in 1995. I, like many other population of the world, put a high hope that he will make changes to the way America 'rules' the world. And the last but not least, is BERIMAN KEPADA HARI AKHIRAT (Life After Death) by Tuan Guru Abd. Hadi Awang. I think I will read this next before I proceed with Obama.

Money Maker

I have this 'crave' of wealth since 1985 after graduating from ITM. When I worked for Binaworks Sdn. Bhd. in Seremban (now 'deceased'), I have the opportunity to work under En. Rosli Sharif (now Dato'). I adore his style. My immediate superior was En. Hadi Yusof (he passed away in 1999 and I still keep his mobile number in my handphone until now) has been like my godfather (or godbrother shall I say). I made my first analytical decision to further my studies in 1986, smelling something 'not right' is going to happen if I continue working. Economic turmoil in 1987 and Binaworks went burst. En. Hadi clinging on to the company (it was his family business, if I were him, I will do the same thing) while En. Rosli, no one heard about him until a few years later, found selling pop corn at Central Market (that what I was told). How persevered! Things look good for me. My decision was right. But my education was not. I failed miserably (hey, I passed all my papers with flying colors but my ECO 501 was the culprit!) but lucky, was given another chance but this time, off-campus. I took this opportunity wo work (ermmm... starting my own business) and studying at the same time. It turn out to be a great turnaround. The elements (I called it charisma) from En. Rosli and the non-stop support from En. Hadi (my first office desk was presented by him) tremendously burnt up all my psycho system to be someone that I wanted to be. And you know what, I write all (well, almost all) my DREAMS and DESIRES, complete with how, where and when, in my dream book, which I called MONEY MAKER. I started this book after reading Napoleon Hill's greatest book ever, THINK AND GROW RICH (first published in 1937). So, I actually start blogging in 1987 (50 years after the birth of Think and Grow Rich) in my Money Maker. Do I achieved my DREAMS and DESIRES? I will continue later. Got work to do now.

Keluarga Kita

I recently realised, I enjoyed working with my family blog Keluarga Kita rather than my own. Not that I don't have anything to write. It is just the good feeling to see the nieces, brothers and sisters come into one place to communicate, and to feel the closeness of the family ties. And to catch up with my other blogs (well, I have a few.. hehe) needs effort. Will write as and when I feel like doing it.

To go or not to go

I've booked my ticket to LHR, scheduled to be on 9th November, but I always have this problem whenever I NEED to travel - I pulled back. Same thing when I supposed to go to DXB last May, PULLED BACK. Last month, I was supposed to go down south to SIN, PULLED BACK. What happen to me? Not that I am scared of flying that much (emmm... maybe a little), but I guess the feeling of not having my children around me (at nights) put me into a tremendous fright. I am scared of homesickness. I am scared of being alone and phobia of the feeling of loneliness (they call it Eremophobia) I have done all the pre-emp, telling all the people that I am travelling... (and to London some more, mah!), just to put pressure on me so that I MUST travel. But still, I cannot make my mind! Errghhh.... I travel not for leisure. Its for SALES CALL for goodness sake! Khairul (my ticketing agent) called me just now.

Khairul: En. Amir, nak issue ticket ke ni? Deadline pukul 8 mlm ni.
Me: Ermm... call me back at 7.59.

(It is almost 7.00pm now...)

HARI GURU

Hari ini Hari Guru. Bagaimana khabarnya Cikgu Zaiton yang terlalu banyak berjasa dalam hidup ku. Cikgu Zaiton adalah guru kelas semasa Darjah 1C di SKBK. Sentiasa memberi semangat dan motivasi, penuh dengan kata-kata pujian, walaupun sekarang aku sedar bahawa pujian nya itu hanya sekadar memberi motivasi dan perangsang. Mrs. Kesavan, guru Matematik semasa Darjah 5A. Begitu bersemangat membentuk kami celik kira-kira. Kelas-kelas tambahan yang dibuat untuk menghadapi Peperiksaan Penilaian darjah 5. Cikgu Abdul Rahman, walaupun bukan mengajar pelajaran akademik, tetapi menyuntik kreativiti aku dalam muzik, drama dan kebudayaan.

Masuk ke sekolah menengah, teringat kepada Cikgu Adnan, guru lukisan dan pendidikan jasmani. Mr.Surjit Singh guru Bahasa Inggeris dan Sains (maybe antara guru-guru yan paling aku sayangi hingga sekarang, still call him Mr. Surjit and will address him as Sir until today), Mr. Muthu guru Modern Maths, Penguin guru Add Maths, Ust Colombo guru Agama. Tak banyak guru yang aku ingat di sekolah menengah. Agaknya, sebab itulah aku kurang berjaya semasa peringkat itu.

Di Universiti, En. Alias, En. Rahman Shaari, Mr. Autar Singh, Mr. Lee Sau Kwan, En. Zainuddin, En. Wahab, tetap tak dilupakan.

Di alam pekerjaan, En. Rosli Sharif, guru yang menunjukkan aku jalan meneroka alam korporat. Dianggap Mentor. Begitu juga En. Marizan.

Terima kasih Cikgu. Jasamu aku bawa sampai ke mati.

HARI IBU

Selamat Hari Ibu mak! Hari ibu yang disambut seluruh dunia tangal 9 May bukanlah sesuatu yang baru. Aku menyambut hari ibu tahun ini dengan memohon kemaafan kepada ibu. Tetapi, konsep hari ibu untuk era kontemporari ini harus ditukar. Semua ibu harus melihat ke dalam diri sendiri, sudahkah dia menjalankan tanggungjawabnya sebagai seorang ibu dan isteri dengan sebaik-baiknya. Memang benar syurga dibawah tapak kaki ibu, tetapi mengapa Allah menjadikan talak di tangan suami? Aku pasrah. Syukur, even though there are a little bit here and there of unhappiness (biasa laaah), I am blessed with a very patience wife, managing her emotions in handling my perangai.

The Year Ahead

The Sun conjuncts Mercury in your Solar Return chart, suggesting a very busy year ahead. At times, you may feel like the pace of your life is running ahead of you. You can be especially productive, however, in all types of communications--writing, speaking, learning, teaching, and so forth. Communications, conversations, sending and receiving messages, and taking care of routine tasks that require mental clarity are important activities this year. With both the Sun and Mercury in hard aspect to Pluto, what you say or write this year has impact, for better or for worse! Try not to read between the lines with a negative slant. Your mind is investigative, but sometimes a little too suspicious. With the Sun sextile the North Node of the Moon, you are likely to form new relationships or connections that further your spiritual growth, or to enhance existing relationships with a spirit of camaraderie. People in authority regard you favorably. Events take place in which you feel like you are moving forward and growing into a new phase of your life.

The Sun also squares Saturn and Chiron, and sextiles Uranus. This suggests receiving mixed signals, particularly regarding your life goals. Ambivalence is likely and could color many of your interactions. It can be challenging to make one particular decision and stick with it. You could find that others doubt you more often than not. Reversals tend to open up new possibilities and perhaps more rewarding paths, however.

Mars conjuncts Uranus at the time of your birthday this year. Bursts of creativity and energy help you to further your goals. You are more able to spot an opportunity when you see one. It is easier than usual to break free from habits that have previously held you back from going after what you want in life. However, you could also rebel against limiting conditions that you have tolerated to date, upsetting a few apple carts in the process! This can be a year in which bursts of restlessness, rebellion, and impatience figure prominently. Your energy tends to be erratic and temperamental. It is important to watch for a tendency to take risks and to act on sudden impulses without considering consequences. You assert your will and individuality powerfully, and you are ready to fight for freedom. There may be changes in work schedules, or life's circumstances could challenge you in such a way that you need to change your goals or actions. This can also be a time when you tend to resist others and challenge them if they are trying to hold you back. Arguments and confrontations are likely. Anger can erupt seemingly from nowhere. If you aren't too rash or impulsive, you might be able to free yourself from restrictive circumstances. You could also have more courage than usual to do things that break the routine, and confrontations engaged in this year could clear the air and help you to move forward. This can also indicate an increased need for sexual union, as it stirs the passions and generally indicates ease in satisfying one's desires through positive connections with others. Experimenting with your sexuality is also a possible expression of this influence. This aspect is one indication of getting engaged, married, the beginning of a significant new relationship, or the intensification of an existing romance. Because Mars also squares Jupiter, you should watch for hasty or impatient behavior that leads to accidents. Errors in judgment made now are likely due to impulsiveness and the overlooking of crucial details.

Venus forms a complex and stimulating configuration at the time of your birthday this year--bringing exactly that kind of energy into your love life and/or financial affairs this year! With Venus and Mars in a square aspect to each other, your affections are strongly stimulated, and you are more acutely aware of your powers of attraction. Romance, love, and sexuality occupy your mind more than usual. You can enjoy an increase in personal magnetism (as well as libido!), but be wary of competitiveness or tension in existing love relationships, as this aspect ignites your passions in general, whether they‘re feelings of love or anger! As well, you should be cautious when it comes to your finances, as you are more prone than usual to buy impulsively. Venus also opposes Pluto, intensity characterizes your personal relationships and romantic attachments. Pluto adds intensity to the mix, as well as some suspiciousness and more emotional drama! With Pluto, you also attempt to transcend the ordinary in your life. Venus-Pluto can be erotic and intense, but the extreme passions it arouses can also express themselves in jealousies and possessiveness. With Pluto, jealousies are directly related to the fear of losing someone. Something tiny can trigger all sorts of buried emotions, and this can be very revealing! If you find yourself dredging up old hurts, examine the emotional "slush" you've been carrying around with you. Avoid taking it out on your partner or on yourself. This aspect can also suggest making a large purchase or payment and having to adjust your spending as a result.
Helping you out is a Venus-Neptune trine, suggesting that you are more imaginative and attuned to the world of beauty and romance this year. There could be truly "magical" times on a romantic and social level. You might even fall in love this year. Benefits come through paying attention to your dreams and intuitions.

Your energy is erratic buy highly creative in the year ahead. Freedom and experimentation are things that you crave, but you often choose the more comfortable or cautious path nevertheless due to your ambivalence. You are more assertive and individualistic. This year, your love life figures strongly, but not always smoothly! Intensity characterizes your close personal relationships. Overall, this is a year in which you make some exciting changes. As long as you don't "throw the baby out with the bath water", it can be highly stimulating and positive.

2007 is a Number One year for you. Ruled by the Sun. This is a year of action. The seeds you plant now, you will reap later. Others might find you less sociable, as you are busier than ever and you focus on your activities and your needs. Still, you are outgoing and your initiative is stronger than ever. Advice - Stand alone, take action, start fresh, express independence.

2008 will be a Number Two year for you. Ruled by the Moon. This is a year of potential companionship. It is a quiet, gentle, and mostly harmonious year that is less active than other years. Instead, you are more responsive to the needs of others. If you are patient and open yourself up in a gentle manner, you will attract both things and people. This is an excellent year in which to build and develop for the future. Advice - be patient, be receptive, enjoy the peace, collect.

Penat Menjadi Nakhoda

Aku selalu mengatakan kepada rakan-rakan, untuk menjadi seperti aku perlu bersedia bersahabat dengan kesepian. It's lonely here. You will have friends but you will feel empty. Saat-saat kesepian itu begitu terasa hari ini. Harapan tidak selaras dengan kenyataan. Di waktu-waktu beginilah, kenangan bersama orang-orang yang disayangi menjelma, menyusup ke kalbu. Aku terlalu letih menjadi nakhoda, mengemudi pelayaran yang tidak berpenghujung. Ramai yang melihat aku sebagai seorang yang kuat dan bermotivasi tinggi. Seorang yang fokus kepada hala tuju. Tetapi tidak ramai yang melihat, ada waktunya, aku mahu menjadi penumpang dalam pelayaran ini. Hari ini, aku mahu jadi penumpang. Menikmati keindahan samudera luas, membiarkan pelayaran dikemudi sebaik mungkin. Aku mahu jadi orang yang tidak bertanggung jawab.

Di mana kesayangan hati? Teringat pantun yang dititipkan oleh seorang yang sangat dekat dalam hatiku:

Mega berarak bayu berpuput,
Mawar dipetik di taman sepunya;
Hati teringat mulut menyebut,
Rindu bertandang apa penawarnya.

dan ku balas:
Bunga kemboja bunga melati,
Bunga mawar harum dihidu;
Waktu bersama tersemat di hati,
Buat penawar kala merindu.

Aku terlalu penat menjadi nakhoda!

Suatu Permulaan Semula

Dengan nama Allah, aku memulakan semula blog ini pada tarikh keramat ini. Hari ini aku berusia 44 tahun. Dalam usia sebegini, terlalu banyak suka duka yang aku lalui. Dengan linangan airmata dan sedu sedan, ku hubungi bonda tercinta bagi memulakan hari yang amat bererti. Penuh sembah kupohon halalkan kesakitan yang bonda alami sewaktu mengandungkan aku, sewaktu kesakitan melahirkan aku, makan minum, nasihat, pengajaran dan semua doa-doa yang dipanjatkan untukku. Sangat hiba dan memilukan. Tak terkawal perasaan berbicara dengan bonda. Bonda adalah tonggak kepada apa yang aku capai pada hari ini. Kasih ku pada bonda, walau nyawa, tidak mampu menjadi sempadan. Pintu syurga terbuka luas buat bonda tercinta. Biar aku menjadi galang ganti. Kesedihan bertimpa teringatkan ketiadaan ayahanda diwaktu aku mengecapi kestabilan hidup. Waktu ayahanda pergi, aku dalam keadaan terumbang ambing, masih merangkak rangkak dalam perjalanan yang sangat perit. Tersangat perit waktu itu, hanya Allah yang tahu. Ayahanda pasti menjadi orang yang paling berbangga dengan pencapaian aku sekarang. Kesal terlalu, ayahanda tak sempat kubelai hasil pengorbanannya dulu. Kenangan saat-saat akhir bersama ayahanda, memandikan ayahanda di hospital, memberikan segala kemahuan sedaya mungkin, berjaga malam memastikan aliran darah tidak tersekat, mengajar kalimah syahadah dikala sakaratul maut menjalankan tugas dan saat memandikan ayahanda yang terkujur kaku membuatkan aku semakin merindui ayahanda. Duhai ayahanda, damailah rohmu di sana. Pesanan mu akan sentiasa anakanda ingati dan menjadi panduan hidup. Alfatehah.