Hari ini Hari Guru. Bagaimana khabarnya Cikgu Zaiton yang terlalu banyak berjasa dalam hidup ku. Cikgu Zaiton adalah guru kelas semasa Darjah 1C di SKBK. Sentiasa memberi semangat dan motivasi, penuh dengan kata-kata pujian, walaupun sekarang aku sedar bahawa pujian nya itu hanya sekadar memberi motivasi dan perangsang. Mrs. Kesavan, guru Matematik semasa Darjah 5A. Begitu bersemangat membentuk kami celik kira-kira. Kelas-kelas tambahan yang dibuat untuk menghadapi Peperiksaan Penilaian darjah 5. Cikgu Abdul Rahman, walaupun bukan mengajar pelajaran akademik, tetapi menyuntik kreativiti aku dalam muzik, drama dan kebudayaan.
Masuk ke sekolah menengah, teringat kepada Cikgu Adnan, guru lukisan dan pendidikan jasmani. Mr.Surjit Singh guru Bahasa Inggeris dan Sains (maybe antara guru-guru yan paling aku sayangi hingga sekarang, still call him Mr. Surjit and will address him as Sir until today), Mr. Muthu guru Modern Maths, Penguin guru Add Maths, Ust Colombo guru Agama. Tak banyak guru yang aku ingat di sekolah menengah. Agaknya, sebab itulah aku kurang berjaya semasa peringkat itu.
Di Universiti, En. Alias, En. Rahman Shaari, Mr. Autar Singh, Mr. Lee Sau Kwan, En. Zainuddin, En. Wahab, tetap tak dilupakan.
Di alam pekerjaan, En. Rosli Sharif, guru yang menunjukkan aku jalan meneroka alam korporat. Dianggap Mentor. Begitu juga En. Marizan.
Terima kasih Cikgu. Jasamu aku bawa sampai ke mati.
Friday, May 16, 2008
HARI IBU
Selamat Hari Ibu mak! Hari ibu yang disambut seluruh dunia tangal 9 May bukanlah sesuatu yang baru. Aku menyambut hari ibu tahun ini dengan memohon kemaafan kepada ibu. Tetapi, konsep hari ibu untuk era kontemporari ini harus ditukar. Semua ibu harus melihat ke dalam diri sendiri, sudahkah dia menjalankan tanggungjawabnya sebagai seorang ibu dan isteri dengan sebaik-baiknya. Memang benar syurga dibawah tapak kaki ibu, tetapi mengapa Allah menjadikan talak di tangan suami? Aku pasrah. Syukur, even though there are a little bit here and there of unhappiness (biasa laaah), I am blessed with a very patience wife, managing her emotions in handling my perangai.
Monday, May 05, 2008
The Year Ahead
The Sun conjuncts Mercury in your Solar Return chart, suggesting a very busy year ahead. At times, you may feel like the pace of your life is running ahead of you. You can be especially productive, however, in all types of communications--writing, speaking, learning, teaching, and so forth. Communications, conversations, sending and receiving messages, and taking care of routine tasks that require mental clarity are important activities this year. With both the Sun and Mercury in hard aspect to Pluto, what you say or write this year has impact, for better or for worse! Try not to read between the lines with a negative slant. Your mind is investigative, but sometimes a little too suspicious. With the Sun sextile the North Node of the Moon, you are likely to form new relationships or connections that further your spiritual growth, or to enhance existing relationships with a spirit of camaraderie. People in authority regard you favorably. Events take place in which you feel like you are moving forward and growing into a new phase of your life.
The Sun also squares Saturn and Chiron, and sextiles Uranus. This suggests receiving mixed signals, particularly regarding your life goals. Ambivalence is likely and could color many of your interactions. It can be challenging to make one particular decision and stick with it. You could find that others doubt you more often than not. Reversals tend to open up new possibilities and perhaps more rewarding paths, however.
Mars conjuncts Uranus at the time of your birthday this year. Bursts of creativity and energy help you to further your goals. You are more able to spot an opportunity when you see one. It is easier than usual to break free from habits that have previously held you back from going after what you want in life. However, you could also rebel against limiting conditions that you have tolerated to date, upsetting a few apple carts in the process! This can be a year in which bursts of restlessness, rebellion, and impatience figure prominently. Your energy tends to be erratic and temperamental. It is important to watch for a tendency to take risks and to act on sudden impulses without considering consequences. You assert your will and individuality powerfully, and you are ready to fight for freedom. There may be changes in work schedules, or life's circumstances could challenge you in such a way that you need to change your goals or actions. This can also be a time when you tend to resist others and challenge them if they are trying to hold you back. Arguments and confrontations are likely. Anger can erupt seemingly from nowhere. If you aren't too rash or impulsive, you might be able to free yourself from restrictive circumstances. You could also have more courage than usual to do things that break the routine, and confrontations engaged in this year could clear the air and help you to move forward. This can also indicate an increased need for sexual union, as it stirs the passions and generally indicates ease in satisfying one's desires through positive connections with others. Experimenting with your sexuality is also a possible expression of this influence. This aspect is one indication of getting engaged, married, the beginning of a significant new relationship, or the intensification of an existing romance. Because Mars also squares Jupiter, you should watch for hasty or impatient behavior that leads to accidents. Errors in judgment made now are likely due to impulsiveness and the overlooking of crucial details.
Venus forms a complex and stimulating configuration at the time of your birthday this year--bringing exactly that kind of energy into your love life and/or financial affairs this year! With Venus and Mars in a square aspect to each other, your affections are strongly stimulated, and you are more acutely aware of your powers of attraction. Romance, love, and sexuality occupy your mind more than usual. You can enjoy an increase in personal magnetism (as well as libido!), but be wary of competitiveness or tension in existing love relationships, as this aspect ignites your passions in general, whether they‘re feelings of love or anger! As well, you should be cautious when it comes to your finances, as you are more prone than usual to buy impulsively. Venus also opposes Pluto, intensity characterizes your personal relationships and romantic attachments. Pluto adds intensity to the mix, as well as some suspiciousness and more emotional drama! With Pluto, you also attempt to transcend the ordinary in your life. Venus-Pluto can be erotic and intense, but the extreme passions it arouses can also express themselves in jealousies and possessiveness. With Pluto, jealousies are directly related to the fear of losing someone. Something tiny can trigger all sorts of buried emotions, and this can be very revealing! If you find yourself dredging up old hurts, examine the emotional "slush" you've been carrying around with you. Avoid taking it out on your partner or on yourself. This aspect can also suggest making a large purchase or payment and having to adjust your spending as a result.
Helping you out is a Venus-Neptune trine, suggesting that you are more imaginative and attuned to the world of beauty and romance this year. There could be truly "magical" times on a romantic and social level. You might even fall in love this year. Benefits come through paying attention to your dreams and intuitions.
Your energy is erratic buy highly creative in the year ahead. Freedom and experimentation are things that you crave, but you often choose the more comfortable or cautious path nevertheless due to your ambivalence. You are more assertive and individualistic. This year, your love life figures strongly, but not always smoothly! Intensity characterizes your close personal relationships. Overall, this is a year in which you make some exciting changes. As long as you don't "throw the baby out with the bath water", it can be highly stimulating and positive.
2007 is a Number One year for you. Ruled by the Sun. This is a year of action. The seeds you plant now, you will reap later. Others might find you less sociable, as you are busier than ever and you focus on your activities and your needs. Still, you are outgoing and your initiative is stronger than ever. Advice - Stand alone, take action, start fresh, express independence.
2008 will be a Number Two year for you. Ruled by the Moon. This is a year of potential companionship. It is a quiet, gentle, and mostly harmonious year that is less active than other years. Instead, you are more responsive to the needs of others. If you are patient and open yourself up in a gentle manner, you will attract both things and people. This is an excellent year in which to build and develop for the future. Advice - be patient, be receptive, enjoy the peace, collect.
The Sun also squares Saturn and Chiron, and sextiles Uranus. This suggests receiving mixed signals, particularly regarding your life goals. Ambivalence is likely and could color many of your interactions. It can be challenging to make one particular decision and stick with it. You could find that others doubt you more often than not. Reversals tend to open up new possibilities and perhaps more rewarding paths, however.
Mars conjuncts Uranus at the time of your birthday this year. Bursts of creativity and energy help you to further your goals. You are more able to spot an opportunity when you see one. It is easier than usual to break free from habits that have previously held you back from going after what you want in life. However, you could also rebel against limiting conditions that you have tolerated to date, upsetting a few apple carts in the process! This can be a year in which bursts of restlessness, rebellion, and impatience figure prominently. Your energy tends to be erratic and temperamental. It is important to watch for a tendency to take risks and to act on sudden impulses without considering consequences. You assert your will and individuality powerfully, and you are ready to fight for freedom. There may be changes in work schedules, or life's circumstances could challenge you in such a way that you need to change your goals or actions. This can also be a time when you tend to resist others and challenge them if they are trying to hold you back. Arguments and confrontations are likely. Anger can erupt seemingly from nowhere. If you aren't too rash or impulsive, you might be able to free yourself from restrictive circumstances. You could also have more courage than usual to do things that break the routine, and confrontations engaged in this year could clear the air and help you to move forward. This can also indicate an increased need for sexual union, as it stirs the passions and generally indicates ease in satisfying one's desires through positive connections with others. Experimenting with your sexuality is also a possible expression of this influence. This aspect is one indication of getting engaged, married, the beginning of a significant new relationship, or the intensification of an existing romance. Because Mars also squares Jupiter, you should watch for hasty or impatient behavior that leads to accidents. Errors in judgment made now are likely due to impulsiveness and the overlooking of crucial details.
Venus forms a complex and stimulating configuration at the time of your birthday this year--bringing exactly that kind of energy into your love life and/or financial affairs this year! With Venus and Mars in a square aspect to each other, your affections are strongly stimulated, and you are more acutely aware of your powers of attraction. Romance, love, and sexuality occupy your mind more than usual. You can enjoy an increase in personal magnetism (as well as libido!), but be wary of competitiveness or tension in existing love relationships, as this aspect ignites your passions in general, whether they‘re feelings of love or anger! As well, you should be cautious when it comes to your finances, as you are more prone than usual to buy impulsively. Venus also opposes Pluto, intensity characterizes your personal relationships and romantic attachments. Pluto adds intensity to the mix, as well as some suspiciousness and more emotional drama! With Pluto, you also attempt to transcend the ordinary in your life. Venus-Pluto can be erotic and intense, but the extreme passions it arouses can also express themselves in jealousies and possessiveness. With Pluto, jealousies are directly related to the fear of losing someone. Something tiny can trigger all sorts of buried emotions, and this can be very revealing! If you find yourself dredging up old hurts, examine the emotional "slush" you've been carrying around with you. Avoid taking it out on your partner or on yourself. This aspect can also suggest making a large purchase or payment and having to adjust your spending as a result.
Helping you out is a Venus-Neptune trine, suggesting that you are more imaginative and attuned to the world of beauty and romance this year. There could be truly "magical" times on a romantic and social level. You might even fall in love this year. Benefits come through paying attention to your dreams and intuitions.
Your energy is erratic buy highly creative in the year ahead. Freedom and experimentation are things that you crave, but you often choose the more comfortable or cautious path nevertheless due to your ambivalence. You are more assertive and individualistic. This year, your love life figures strongly, but not always smoothly! Intensity characterizes your close personal relationships. Overall, this is a year in which you make some exciting changes. As long as you don't "throw the baby out with the bath water", it can be highly stimulating and positive.
2007 is a Number One year for you. Ruled by the Sun. This is a year of action. The seeds you plant now, you will reap later. Others might find you less sociable, as you are busier than ever and you focus on your activities and your needs. Still, you are outgoing and your initiative is stronger than ever. Advice - Stand alone, take action, start fresh, express independence.
2008 will be a Number Two year for you. Ruled by the Moon. This is a year of potential companionship. It is a quiet, gentle, and mostly harmonious year that is less active than other years. Instead, you are more responsive to the needs of others. If you are patient and open yourself up in a gentle manner, you will attract both things and people. This is an excellent year in which to build and develop for the future. Advice - be patient, be receptive, enjoy the peace, collect.
Penat Menjadi Nakhoda
Aku selalu mengatakan kepada rakan-rakan, untuk menjadi seperti aku perlu bersedia bersahabat dengan kesepian. It's lonely here. You will have friends but you will feel empty. Saat-saat kesepian itu begitu terasa hari ini. Harapan tidak selaras dengan kenyataan. Di waktu-waktu beginilah, kenangan bersama orang-orang yang disayangi menjelma, menyusup ke kalbu. Aku terlalu letih menjadi nakhoda, mengemudi pelayaran yang tidak berpenghujung. Ramai yang melihat aku sebagai seorang yang kuat dan bermotivasi tinggi. Seorang yang fokus kepada hala tuju. Tetapi tidak ramai yang melihat, ada waktunya, aku mahu menjadi penumpang dalam pelayaran ini. Hari ini, aku mahu jadi penumpang. Menikmati keindahan samudera luas, membiarkan pelayaran dikemudi sebaik mungkin. Aku mahu jadi orang yang tidak bertanggung jawab.
Di mana kesayangan hati? Teringat pantun yang dititipkan oleh seorang yang sangat dekat dalam hatiku:
Mega berarak bayu berpuput,
Mawar dipetik di taman sepunya;
Hati teringat mulut menyebut,
Rindu bertandang apa penawarnya.
dan ku balas:
Bunga kemboja bunga melati,
Bunga mawar harum dihidu;
Waktu bersama tersemat di hati,
Buat penawar kala merindu.
Aku terlalu penat menjadi nakhoda!
Di mana kesayangan hati? Teringat pantun yang dititipkan oleh seorang yang sangat dekat dalam hatiku:
Mega berarak bayu berpuput,
Mawar dipetik di taman sepunya;
Hati teringat mulut menyebut,
Rindu bertandang apa penawarnya.
dan ku balas:
Bunga kemboja bunga melati,
Bunga mawar harum dihidu;
Waktu bersama tersemat di hati,
Buat penawar kala merindu.
Aku terlalu penat menjadi nakhoda!
Suatu Permulaan Semula
Dengan nama Allah, aku memulakan semula blog ini pada tarikh keramat ini. Hari ini aku berusia 44 tahun. Dalam usia sebegini, terlalu banyak suka duka yang aku lalui. Dengan linangan airmata dan sedu sedan, ku hubungi bonda tercinta bagi memulakan hari yang amat bererti. Penuh sembah kupohon halalkan kesakitan yang bonda alami sewaktu mengandungkan aku, sewaktu kesakitan melahirkan aku, makan minum, nasihat, pengajaran dan semua doa-doa yang dipanjatkan untukku. Sangat hiba dan memilukan. Tak terkawal perasaan berbicara dengan bonda. Bonda adalah tonggak kepada apa yang aku capai pada hari ini. Kasih ku pada bonda, walau nyawa, tidak mampu menjadi sempadan. Pintu syurga terbuka luas buat bonda tercinta. Biar aku menjadi galang ganti. Kesedihan bertimpa teringatkan ketiadaan ayahanda diwaktu aku mengecapi kestabilan hidup. Waktu ayahanda pergi, aku dalam keadaan terumbang ambing, masih merangkak rangkak dalam perjalanan yang sangat perit. Tersangat perit waktu itu, hanya Allah yang tahu. Ayahanda pasti menjadi orang yang paling berbangga dengan pencapaian aku sekarang. Kesal terlalu, ayahanda tak sempat kubelai hasil pengorbanannya dulu. Kenangan saat-saat akhir bersama ayahanda, memandikan ayahanda di hospital, memberikan segala kemahuan sedaya mungkin, berjaga malam memastikan aliran darah tidak tersekat, mengajar kalimah syahadah dikala sakaratul maut menjalankan tugas dan saat memandikan ayahanda yang terkujur kaku membuatkan aku semakin merindui ayahanda. Duhai ayahanda, damailah rohmu di sana. Pesanan mu akan sentiasa anakanda ingati dan menjadi panduan hidup. Alfatehah.
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