To go or not to go

I've booked my ticket to LHR, scheduled to be on 9th November, but I always have this problem whenever I NEED to travel - I pulled back. Same thing when I supposed to go to DXB last May, PULLED BACK. Last month, I was supposed to go down south to SIN, PULLED BACK. What happen to me? Not that I am scared of flying that much (emmm... maybe a little), but I guess the feeling of not having my children around me (at nights) put me into a tremendous fright. I am scared of homesickness. I am scared of being alone and phobia of the feeling of loneliness (they call it Eremophobia) I have done all the pre-emp, telling all the people that I am travelling... (and to London some more, mah!), just to put pressure on me so that I MUST travel. But still, I cannot make my mind! Errghhh.... I travel not for leisure. Its for SALES CALL for goodness sake! Khairul (my ticketing agent) called me just now.

Khairul: En. Amir, nak issue ticket ke ni? Deadline pukul 8 mlm ni.
Me: Ermm... call me back at 7.59.

(It is almost 7.00pm now...)