Mumbai attack!

I know I cannot do much about this, but, hey, I have a lot of friends in Mumbai and a friend who work in Taj Hotel. I pray to God that Kyrus, Suresh, Joe, Chopra, Kareem, Kashi and Krishnan are safe. I manage to speak to Joey last night on hearing about the attack. Audibly, he sounded shaken. He work in the nearby hotel. I sms Kyrus just now, yet to get his reply. I condemn the attack! Below is my picture taken on a ferry infront of Gate of India. Taj Hotel is at the back. At time of this writing, 101 people are dead and 314 are injured. What would you feel if our friends and relatives is one of them?



And below is me infront of Victoria Terminus, the busiest train station in the world.





78 dead in Mumbai terrorist strike (from E-Travel News)

A group of terrorists using AK-47 rifles and grenades attacked Mumbai, India last night with 78 people confirmed dead, at least 900 injured and 100 taken hostage. Terrorists, in what seemed to be an organised attack, targeted the five-star Oberoi hotel and Taj Mahal hotel, Victoria Terminus railway station, tourist landmark Leopold’s cafe and the Cama Hospital at around 2300 hours local time. Explosions were heard in both hotels and The Times of India reported that the top floor of the Oberoi hotel was on fire whilst the Taj hotel was still burning this morning.
A man who had barricaded himself and 30 others inside a restaurant in the Taj hotel told Sky News that? a gunman had entered the lobby of the hotel and “just stood there spraying bullets around, right next to me”.
"We are now in the dark in this room and we've barricaded all the doors. It's really bad...all the lights are out, there's about 100 of us here." There has been a consistent gun battle between the terrorists and Mumbai police overnight, with several high-profile police gunned down. According to reports, the Mumbai police called in the military and Indian troops raided the Oberoi and Taj hotels this morning, despite the 100 people held hostage, 40 of which are British. The terrorists are suspected to be targeting British and American tourists as an escapee from the Oberoi hotel told BBC reporters that around 15 gunmen had demanded for British and American nationals to hand over their passports. There is still no confirmation of who the terrorist are and whether they are part of a terrorist network.

My D90!

My first Digital Camera was a Ricoh (can't remember the model) way back in 2002. A DC was a random luxury hi-tech gadget someone can own during that time. I bought it at around RM1,600, with a VERY good 1 megapixel. My second was a SONY (can't remember the model, too - the one with a swivel lense). I was upgrading myself to a DC with 3 megapixel sensor. He he. But that SONY was a very reliable one, and very user friendly. The swivel lense is very handy when come to taking your own picture. That was my first SONY DC and then I have another 3 SONYs. Currently I am using SONY Cybershot T5. The main different SONY from the other is the color rendition. The SONY's colors are less intense and most probably most accurate. (I am a color blind, but I know how to differentiate good colors and bad colors!) Ok... the purpose of blogging on this topic is that I AM SAVING FOR A NIKON D90! Wooo hooo! It is the first digital SLR to incorporate a movie mode. When I passed through my favourite gadget shop the other day, I was salivating to my toe! He he. What a gizmo! It comes with a 12.3MP 23.6 x 15.8mm sensor with SLR focal length at 1.5x. The 3" 9200,000 dot LCD is amaaaazing! And as from the earlier NIKON D60, this model also come with a 'self-cleaning' sensor unit which should keep me less worry about dust, or at least to a minimum. The moment I saw this model, I knew it, this is it. Not a tiny little doubt about it. Not so techies for an amateur (ok...maybe not even amateur, still a novice) self proclaim photography crazy like me but I have been dreaming to upgrade to SLR the past few months. And the price tag is RM4,500 complete with kit lense. Wooohoooo! D90, here I come!

School Holiday

It has been a week since school holiday started. Last week, the children had a full week activity, visiting a Chocolate Factory, Batu Caves, visiting High Five Bread Factory, enjoying BBQ lunch at Krisaliz and emmm....playing DS! Bang Long as usual, occupied with his lappie, damaging his brain cell. Bang Ngah enjoying his upside down day-night topsie turvie, being an owl who never see daylight and grooming his acne. Ajiq is the only one who looks tension. He still has 3 more SPM papers to sit.

This morning, my other half went to the school to collect our daughters year end report card. As usual, the girls fly high with their results.

Starting from next week, the PMR (Ngah) and SPM (Long) candidates will start their 'holiday camp' preppies. Have fun, boys!

A typical weekend in my office.

A typical weekend in my office. Notice how clean my table is. How I wish it can be as clean everyday.

Heaven is underneath the mother's feet

Few nights ago, I watched a movie in Astro, can't remember which channel. It is about the love of a son to the mother. The mother was convicted after unintentionally murdered the husband. She suffered a very serious depression, in Malay, we called it 'meroyan' or postpartum psychosis. I wonder how she got convicted when actually 'meroyan' is categorized as mental illness. That is different story (anyway, it is just a movie). What touched me is the unconditional love the son poured to the mother. After the passing of his father, the son continue with the farming the father had started earlier. The other siblings (he got another elder brother and a younger sister) went their own way, disown the mother, accusing her of being a murderer. The good son went on with the farming succesfully. He won awards after awards for being successful farmer. During imprisonment of the mother, the good son visits her regularly despite being called names by the 'meroyan' mother, seeking her blessing for his business plans and strategies. Until few years, the mother recovered from the disorder. She was later released. The good son accepted her happily, bring her back home while the other two siblings react otherwise. (normal lah... nama pun cerita. Baru ada drama!) To surprise everybody, the good son declared that during the mother imprisonment, he had setup a foundation where he channeled all the profit of his farming business. Knowing that (the accumulated fund was RM2.5m), the not so good children wanted their share, claiming that the farm the good son operating belongs to the late father, and they have their share. Being good (in the drama.... hehe) the good son agreed to name the two siblings on board, and the mother as the Chairman. Of course, the two not so good children hesitated but finally accepted. During all 'non-technical' meeting, the good son always seek the mother's opinion, accept the opinion as the final decision and that make the other two angry, arguing that their opinion is better than the 'meroyan' mother. (Note: the elder brother was a second-hand car dealer while the sister was involved in direct selling. I didn't say the two professions are for the brainless people, but the producer of that movie implied it that way. Luckily I don't involve in that trade. :-) ) Finally, after much disagreement, the two decides to sell their share back to the good son, wanting to do their own business. And of course, being a hero, the good son agrees. Sembilan bulan kemudian...(nine months later) the two siblings get into trouble. Their business gone burst (he he... second hand car dealer and direct selling people, don't take this too personal). To make the long story short (the wife of the elder brother caught him 'play three sticks', the elder brother involved with Ah Long, the sister's car kena tarik because of non-payment, bla...bla...bla...) the two not so good children return to the hero for help. Then... the hero (being a hero) accepted them with a condition. They must seek forgiveness from the mother. And the most touching part is when he say, whatever you do, you must seek blessing from the mother. Syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu (Heaven is underneath the mother's feet). And that they did. Finally, they live happily ever after. The end.

I don't know where my fate will be. But I know, I love my mother so much.

Nothing much.

I know from my audit trail, there are a few readers keep coming back to see my updates for the last few days. I am very sorry. Work have been keeping me very busy. I wanted to blog something - about my mother, about the children school holiday, about my recent trip, about life, etc. I have time, but the time I have I couldn't spare for blogging. I wrote a few draft but all end up being deleted. I will blog again soon. Oh...and tonight, I am going for that goooood massage that is looooong overdue!

We are one, big, happy family!

Having a big family is a big business. Not only that you need to be financially secured, but most importantly, emotionally strong. I have a big family. I am the fifth in eight siblings. On my own, I have six children. This is by choice, not ‘by accident’ or ‘ooops I did it again’ kind of thing! My youngest was born when I was 38, and she is now 6. This morning, we registered her for Primary School, after 2 years in kindergarten. Next year, the mama will be alone most of the time at home. I hope, she can reschedule her life, recollect what was missing for the last many years. We have gone through tests after tests throughout our process building this family. There are times when we don’t talk for few days just because the quarrel we had over the children. In fact, all the sour faces are due to our differences in managing our house and children. I wanted my children to be raised on a certain standard. Being a trained and professional Accountant, my methodology is being seen as rigid and procedural. The problem is that my other half remains as what she was 17 years ago. I know, I marry her 17 years ago as what she was 17 years ago. But I expect we can ‘grow’ together. Now with all the children will be in school most of the day starting from next year, I hope she can speedily grow up. And my responsibility, in keeping my big family well, will be bigger.


Consider this. I am the sole breadwinner for the family of 8 (with 6 children). My effort must be equivalent to the father of a sole breadwinner of 3 families with 2 children each. So, if other family can afford to go holiday once a year, we can only afford to do the same once every 3 years. If other family can be sufficient with a house with 3 rooms (average cost RM200,000), we can live equally comfortable in a 7 rooms house, with a cost of almost RM800,000. The house we are renting now is a 3 bedroom house, valued at RM650,000. Food that we eat is for 8 people daily. Electricity, water bill and other bills are for 8 people. If I put a serious thinking about it, I will never can afford our lives. Hurghhhh…. Syukur kepada Allah kerana kami masih dapat menikmati kehidupan seperti orang lain. However, what we have is not everybody is blessed with. Our house is always filled with laughter. We always have each other. We tolerate in sharing what we have. We do things together. And we face our sorrows together. Next year, Anek will be in Primary 1, DeDe in Primary 3, Kakak in Primary 5, Bang Teh will be in Secondary 1, Bang Ngah in Secondary 3 and Bang Long in Secondary 5. I am so blessed with 6 lovely children, each of them with their own character and personality. All in all, we are a big happy family!

A Day of Miseries

The day started off gloomy. My brother, Chu, called from Seremban, saying Mak demam. He fetched Mak from kampong early morning and now Mak is in his house in Seremban. Mak has not been well lately. She is already 75. Most women her age has long been sick but she was strong until lately. I am afraid of losing her. I know nothing is permanent, but please, not yet.

UPSR results keluar hari ni. Bang Teh dalam keadaan tidak tenteram. Last night, I told my other children, whatever the results would be, do not make fun of it. I told them, I know the capabilities each and every one of them. I would be more than happy if Teh would get 2As (English and Science) and he will surprised me if he can get a C for his Maths and Bahasa Malaysia. Bila tengok result, he got 1A (English) 3Bs (Maths, Science, BM Penulisan) and 1C (BM Pemahaman). He cried. When I saw him at school, both of us strangle in a hug. I was not frustrated at all. As I said, I knew his capabilities. In fact, I am very proud when he got B for his Maths and Bahasa Malaysia Penulisan. If any of you my 2 readers listen to him talking, you would think that you are listening to a radio version of Spongebob Squarepants! Sooo cartoon and sooo American. And you would be wondering what is so difficult in answering 7 x 8 = 56 when earlier on he can tell you that 8 x 7 = 56. He cried in my arm. He said he might have gotten 4As if he had study much harder. I just kept quiet. My tears was dripping. I am not going to scold him for the results he got. I know, he is good in other area. He is very special to me. And I know he knew.

Back in the office, I am supposed to complete a ‘happy’ proposal. I couldn’t do it. It just doesn’t jive with my feeling. How could I write a happy proposal when I am in the opposite state of mind? My mother is sick. My son is sad. How on earth I can be happy? I surrendered. The day passes by with zero productivity. No mind control thingy can help me today.

Mind Control

Ok...ok... I admit, I cannot tahan to blog on this matter. It was an amaaaazing experience I had last night. It was about NLP / Mind Science / LOA (again... :-)) I came to know about Silva Mind Control Method (you know... controlling own's mind, beliefs, dreams and desires kind of stuff) somewhere in 1987. I read few of Jose de Silva books on Silva Mind Control Method series. Ok..ok.. straight to the point.. I had wanted to meet this friend of mine, WAN KHARIZAL and been looking for him for a job that I am having for his assistance. The last time we had in contact was somewhere in 1998/99 during Reformasi time. I searched high and low for his number and got fed up with the 'conventional way' of people searching method. So, I sat down, went to my level, think, believe and desire, go deeper and deeper and do that silva method stuff. What the system did was to send my brain vibration while in alpha state of mind (while in alpha state, our brain frequency is at 8 - 13 Hz) to the environment, and the nature will take its own cause. For a more scientific explanation, I only charge a very minimum consultancy fee... :-). Then, suddenly yesterday, another old friend (i meant it, he IS old) called me saying that WAN KHARIZAL IS LOOKING FOR ME. Whalla! He gave Wan's number and everything else is, you are right, magic. But it is nothing magical to me. I always get help from the other side of me. Pray to God and He knows whats best for you!

Calling all Ex-Georgians

Wanted to blog on other things this morning but received call from Azlan Hanif, fellow ex-Georgian, informing about a friend, Zaim Shaari's (Rimau) son who is in ICU in one of the hospital in Jordan. He need to travel to AMM soonest possible. So, calling all ex-Georgian to help raise some fund to reduce his burden. I don't have much info about the son's condition but Rimau and wife need to be there very urgently. So, fellow ex-Georgians, lets give our helping hand.

Zaim Shaari
HP: 013 352 1226
Maybank account: 1625 1702 5794

Veni Vedi Veci

Law of Attraction, Obama and Hari Akhirat

Taking a few minutes break from my work, updating on my new reads. I went to One Utama yestreday, bought some books (emmm... 3 for me and my other half, 4 for kakak, 4 for DeDe, 1 for Anek, 1 for Long, 1 for Ngah and 3 for Teh). Immediately start reading LAW OF ATTRACTION (Michael J. Losier) and so engrossed that I finish reading in 4 hours. It is 140 something pages of double spacing typo, with some 'this page is intentionally left blank' pages and some full page graphic narration. All in all, I think it is only about 56 pages of reading. I am a slow reader! That is not important. The important thing is that how I realise, that 4 hours reminds me of how I have been thinking NEGATIVELY lately. Law of Attraction is all about POSITIVE THINKING, about FEELING GOOD and about dispersing POSITIVE VIBES. The other book is BARRACK OBAMA: DREAMS FROM MY FATHER, first published in 1995. I, like many other population of the world, put a high hope that he will make changes to the way America 'rules' the world. And the last but not least, is BERIMAN KEPADA HARI AKHIRAT (Life After Death) by Tuan Guru Abd. Hadi Awang. I think I will read this next before I proceed with Obama.

Money Maker

I have this 'crave' of wealth since 1985 after graduating from ITM. When I worked for Binaworks Sdn. Bhd. in Seremban (now 'deceased'), I have the opportunity to work under En. Rosli Sharif (now Dato'). I adore his style. My immediate superior was En. Hadi Yusof (he passed away in 1999 and I still keep his mobile number in my handphone until now) has been like my godfather (or godbrother shall I say). I made my first analytical decision to further my studies in 1986, smelling something 'not right' is going to happen if I continue working. Economic turmoil in 1987 and Binaworks went burst. En. Hadi clinging on to the company (it was his family business, if I were him, I will do the same thing) while En. Rosli, no one heard about him until a few years later, found selling pop corn at Central Market (that what I was told). How persevered! Things look good for me. My decision was right. But my education was not. I failed miserably (hey, I passed all my papers with flying colors but my ECO 501 was the culprit!) but lucky, was given another chance but this time, off-campus. I took this opportunity wo work (ermmm... starting my own business) and studying at the same time. It turn out to be a great turnaround. The elements (I called it charisma) from En. Rosli and the non-stop support from En. Hadi (my first office desk was presented by him) tremendously burnt up all my psycho system to be someone that I wanted to be. And you know what, I write all (well, almost all) my DREAMS and DESIRES, complete with how, where and when, in my dream book, which I called MONEY MAKER. I started this book after reading Napoleon Hill's greatest book ever, THINK AND GROW RICH (first published in 1937). So, I actually start blogging in 1987 (50 years after the birth of Think and Grow Rich) in my Money Maker. Do I achieved my DREAMS and DESIRES? I will continue later. Got work to do now.

Keluarga Kita

I recently realised, I enjoyed working with my family blog Keluarga Kita rather than my own. Not that I don't have anything to write. It is just the good feeling to see the nieces, brothers and sisters come into one place to communicate, and to feel the closeness of the family ties. And to catch up with my other blogs (well, I have a few.. hehe) needs effort. Will write as and when I feel like doing it.

To go or not to go

I've booked my ticket to LHR, scheduled to be on 9th November, but I always have this problem whenever I NEED to travel - I pulled back. Same thing when I supposed to go to DXB last May, PULLED BACK. Last month, I was supposed to go down south to SIN, PULLED BACK. What happen to me? Not that I am scared of flying that much (emmm... maybe a little), but I guess the feeling of not having my children around me (at nights) put me into a tremendous fright. I am scared of homesickness. I am scared of being alone and phobia of the feeling of loneliness (they call it Eremophobia) I have done all the pre-emp, telling all the people that I am travelling... (and to London some more, mah!), just to put pressure on me so that I MUST travel. But still, I cannot make my mind! Errghhh.... I travel not for leisure. Its for SALES CALL for goodness sake! Khairul (my ticketing agent) called me just now.

Khairul: En. Amir, nak issue ticket ke ni? Deadline pukul 8 mlm ni.
Me: Ermm... call me back at 7.59.

(It is almost 7.00pm now...)

HARI GURU

Hari ini Hari Guru. Bagaimana khabarnya Cikgu Zaiton yang terlalu banyak berjasa dalam hidup ku. Cikgu Zaiton adalah guru kelas semasa Darjah 1C di SKBK. Sentiasa memberi semangat dan motivasi, penuh dengan kata-kata pujian, walaupun sekarang aku sedar bahawa pujian nya itu hanya sekadar memberi motivasi dan perangsang. Mrs. Kesavan, guru Matematik semasa Darjah 5A. Begitu bersemangat membentuk kami celik kira-kira. Kelas-kelas tambahan yang dibuat untuk menghadapi Peperiksaan Penilaian darjah 5. Cikgu Abdul Rahman, walaupun bukan mengajar pelajaran akademik, tetapi menyuntik kreativiti aku dalam muzik, drama dan kebudayaan.

Masuk ke sekolah menengah, teringat kepada Cikgu Adnan, guru lukisan dan pendidikan jasmani. Mr.Surjit Singh guru Bahasa Inggeris dan Sains (maybe antara guru-guru yan paling aku sayangi hingga sekarang, still call him Mr. Surjit and will address him as Sir until today), Mr. Muthu guru Modern Maths, Penguin guru Add Maths, Ust Colombo guru Agama. Tak banyak guru yang aku ingat di sekolah menengah. Agaknya, sebab itulah aku kurang berjaya semasa peringkat itu.

Di Universiti, En. Alias, En. Rahman Shaari, Mr. Autar Singh, Mr. Lee Sau Kwan, En. Zainuddin, En. Wahab, tetap tak dilupakan.

Di alam pekerjaan, En. Rosli Sharif, guru yang menunjukkan aku jalan meneroka alam korporat. Dianggap Mentor. Begitu juga En. Marizan.

Terima kasih Cikgu. Jasamu aku bawa sampai ke mati.

HARI IBU

Selamat Hari Ibu mak! Hari ibu yang disambut seluruh dunia tangal 9 May bukanlah sesuatu yang baru. Aku menyambut hari ibu tahun ini dengan memohon kemaafan kepada ibu. Tetapi, konsep hari ibu untuk era kontemporari ini harus ditukar. Semua ibu harus melihat ke dalam diri sendiri, sudahkah dia menjalankan tanggungjawabnya sebagai seorang ibu dan isteri dengan sebaik-baiknya. Memang benar syurga dibawah tapak kaki ibu, tetapi mengapa Allah menjadikan talak di tangan suami? Aku pasrah. Syukur, even though there are a little bit here and there of unhappiness (biasa laaah), I am blessed with a very patience wife, managing her emotions in handling my perangai.

The Year Ahead

The Sun conjuncts Mercury in your Solar Return chart, suggesting a very busy year ahead. At times, you may feel like the pace of your life is running ahead of you. You can be especially productive, however, in all types of communications--writing, speaking, learning, teaching, and so forth. Communications, conversations, sending and receiving messages, and taking care of routine tasks that require mental clarity are important activities this year. With both the Sun and Mercury in hard aspect to Pluto, what you say or write this year has impact, for better or for worse! Try not to read between the lines with a negative slant. Your mind is investigative, but sometimes a little too suspicious. With the Sun sextile the North Node of the Moon, you are likely to form new relationships or connections that further your spiritual growth, or to enhance existing relationships with a spirit of camaraderie. People in authority regard you favorably. Events take place in which you feel like you are moving forward and growing into a new phase of your life.

The Sun also squares Saturn and Chiron, and sextiles Uranus. This suggests receiving mixed signals, particularly regarding your life goals. Ambivalence is likely and could color many of your interactions. It can be challenging to make one particular decision and stick with it. You could find that others doubt you more often than not. Reversals tend to open up new possibilities and perhaps more rewarding paths, however.

Mars conjuncts Uranus at the time of your birthday this year. Bursts of creativity and energy help you to further your goals. You are more able to spot an opportunity when you see one. It is easier than usual to break free from habits that have previously held you back from going after what you want in life. However, you could also rebel against limiting conditions that you have tolerated to date, upsetting a few apple carts in the process! This can be a year in which bursts of restlessness, rebellion, and impatience figure prominently. Your energy tends to be erratic and temperamental. It is important to watch for a tendency to take risks and to act on sudden impulses without considering consequences. You assert your will and individuality powerfully, and you are ready to fight for freedom. There may be changes in work schedules, or life's circumstances could challenge you in such a way that you need to change your goals or actions. This can also be a time when you tend to resist others and challenge them if they are trying to hold you back. Arguments and confrontations are likely. Anger can erupt seemingly from nowhere. If you aren't too rash or impulsive, you might be able to free yourself from restrictive circumstances. You could also have more courage than usual to do things that break the routine, and confrontations engaged in this year could clear the air and help you to move forward. This can also indicate an increased need for sexual union, as it stirs the passions and generally indicates ease in satisfying one's desires through positive connections with others. Experimenting with your sexuality is also a possible expression of this influence. This aspect is one indication of getting engaged, married, the beginning of a significant new relationship, or the intensification of an existing romance. Because Mars also squares Jupiter, you should watch for hasty or impatient behavior that leads to accidents. Errors in judgment made now are likely due to impulsiveness and the overlooking of crucial details.

Venus forms a complex and stimulating configuration at the time of your birthday this year--bringing exactly that kind of energy into your love life and/or financial affairs this year! With Venus and Mars in a square aspect to each other, your affections are strongly stimulated, and you are more acutely aware of your powers of attraction. Romance, love, and sexuality occupy your mind more than usual. You can enjoy an increase in personal magnetism (as well as libido!), but be wary of competitiveness or tension in existing love relationships, as this aspect ignites your passions in general, whether they‘re feelings of love or anger! As well, you should be cautious when it comes to your finances, as you are more prone than usual to buy impulsively. Venus also opposes Pluto, intensity characterizes your personal relationships and romantic attachments. Pluto adds intensity to the mix, as well as some suspiciousness and more emotional drama! With Pluto, you also attempt to transcend the ordinary in your life. Venus-Pluto can be erotic and intense, but the extreme passions it arouses can also express themselves in jealousies and possessiveness. With Pluto, jealousies are directly related to the fear of losing someone. Something tiny can trigger all sorts of buried emotions, and this can be very revealing! If you find yourself dredging up old hurts, examine the emotional "slush" you've been carrying around with you. Avoid taking it out on your partner or on yourself. This aspect can also suggest making a large purchase or payment and having to adjust your spending as a result.
Helping you out is a Venus-Neptune trine, suggesting that you are more imaginative and attuned to the world of beauty and romance this year. There could be truly "magical" times on a romantic and social level. You might even fall in love this year. Benefits come through paying attention to your dreams and intuitions.

Your energy is erratic buy highly creative in the year ahead. Freedom and experimentation are things that you crave, but you often choose the more comfortable or cautious path nevertheless due to your ambivalence. You are more assertive and individualistic. This year, your love life figures strongly, but not always smoothly! Intensity characterizes your close personal relationships. Overall, this is a year in which you make some exciting changes. As long as you don't "throw the baby out with the bath water", it can be highly stimulating and positive.

2007 is a Number One year for you. Ruled by the Sun. This is a year of action. The seeds you plant now, you will reap later. Others might find you less sociable, as you are busier than ever and you focus on your activities and your needs. Still, you are outgoing and your initiative is stronger than ever. Advice - Stand alone, take action, start fresh, express independence.

2008 will be a Number Two year for you. Ruled by the Moon. This is a year of potential companionship. It is a quiet, gentle, and mostly harmonious year that is less active than other years. Instead, you are more responsive to the needs of others. If you are patient and open yourself up in a gentle manner, you will attract both things and people. This is an excellent year in which to build and develop for the future. Advice - be patient, be receptive, enjoy the peace, collect.

Penat Menjadi Nakhoda

Aku selalu mengatakan kepada rakan-rakan, untuk menjadi seperti aku perlu bersedia bersahabat dengan kesepian. It's lonely here. You will have friends but you will feel empty. Saat-saat kesepian itu begitu terasa hari ini. Harapan tidak selaras dengan kenyataan. Di waktu-waktu beginilah, kenangan bersama orang-orang yang disayangi menjelma, menyusup ke kalbu. Aku terlalu letih menjadi nakhoda, mengemudi pelayaran yang tidak berpenghujung. Ramai yang melihat aku sebagai seorang yang kuat dan bermotivasi tinggi. Seorang yang fokus kepada hala tuju. Tetapi tidak ramai yang melihat, ada waktunya, aku mahu menjadi penumpang dalam pelayaran ini. Hari ini, aku mahu jadi penumpang. Menikmati keindahan samudera luas, membiarkan pelayaran dikemudi sebaik mungkin. Aku mahu jadi orang yang tidak bertanggung jawab.

Di mana kesayangan hati? Teringat pantun yang dititipkan oleh seorang yang sangat dekat dalam hatiku:

Mega berarak bayu berpuput,
Mawar dipetik di taman sepunya;
Hati teringat mulut menyebut,
Rindu bertandang apa penawarnya.

dan ku balas:
Bunga kemboja bunga melati,
Bunga mawar harum dihidu;
Waktu bersama tersemat di hati,
Buat penawar kala merindu.

Aku terlalu penat menjadi nakhoda!

Suatu Permulaan Semula

Dengan nama Allah, aku memulakan semula blog ini pada tarikh keramat ini. Hari ini aku berusia 44 tahun. Dalam usia sebegini, terlalu banyak suka duka yang aku lalui. Dengan linangan airmata dan sedu sedan, ku hubungi bonda tercinta bagi memulakan hari yang amat bererti. Penuh sembah kupohon halalkan kesakitan yang bonda alami sewaktu mengandungkan aku, sewaktu kesakitan melahirkan aku, makan minum, nasihat, pengajaran dan semua doa-doa yang dipanjatkan untukku. Sangat hiba dan memilukan. Tak terkawal perasaan berbicara dengan bonda. Bonda adalah tonggak kepada apa yang aku capai pada hari ini. Kasih ku pada bonda, walau nyawa, tidak mampu menjadi sempadan. Pintu syurga terbuka luas buat bonda tercinta. Biar aku menjadi galang ganti. Kesedihan bertimpa teringatkan ketiadaan ayahanda diwaktu aku mengecapi kestabilan hidup. Waktu ayahanda pergi, aku dalam keadaan terumbang ambing, masih merangkak rangkak dalam perjalanan yang sangat perit. Tersangat perit waktu itu, hanya Allah yang tahu. Ayahanda pasti menjadi orang yang paling berbangga dengan pencapaian aku sekarang. Kesal terlalu, ayahanda tak sempat kubelai hasil pengorbanannya dulu. Kenangan saat-saat akhir bersama ayahanda, memandikan ayahanda di hospital, memberikan segala kemahuan sedaya mungkin, berjaga malam memastikan aliran darah tidak tersekat, mengajar kalimah syahadah dikala sakaratul maut menjalankan tugas dan saat memandikan ayahanda yang terkujur kaku membuatkan aku semakin merindui ayahanda. Duhai ayahanda, damailah rohmu di sana. Pesanan mu akan sentiasa anakanda ingati dan menjadi panduan hidup. Alfatehah.

Made my Day!

I received an email from Yati, a very good friend, as follows:

"The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had" Thank you Yati. You made my day.

After Friday prayer, on arriving to my office, I switched on my handphone ( heran jugak apa jenis manusia yg tak reti off kan handphone masa kat mesjid!). There is a message in my mailbox. And to my surprise, my very good old friend, Hj Roslan Nordin called. We were best friends when we were at KGV Seremban. That was way back in 1977-1981. Those memories (remember singing lagu Hujan under the desk? Kah kah kah) pops up bring me smile and fireworks! Yeah..fireworks! Mana tak kelakarnya. That was during Cikgu Sotong's class (I can't remember her name) Faces of the old Georgians emerging one after another in my head. Azli Adnan, Dr. Ferhat, Sheikh Hasnan, Harris Sloan, Yati, Sarinah, Arshad, Azman Asmoi and many more. Woiii! Korang pegi mana hah? Hj Roslan's number 019-2832500. You made my day!